What to Do When a Woman Approaches You, and starts a conversation or starts flirting

Ok. You’re just standing around minding your own business at the grocery store or bar, looking shy and sexy, and a hot girl comes up and asks you a question or starts flirting.

What do you do, hotshot?

Step 1: calm the hell down. Keep your composure. Instead of responding immediately, look at her, evaluate her a bit. Try a wry smile or smirk if you’re feeling it.

When women approach me to meet me or find out more about me… oh brother, I love it. It’s one of the best feelings in the world.

Especially because – for most of my life – I didn’t think I was attractive to hot women. I would be the best friend of the hot girl, but not her lover. Sure, she’d complain to me about her lovers, the dominant a-holes, who didn’t even have to be good-looking as long as they were selfish, cocky jerks, which some of the women I fell for somehow consistently found compelling.

(By the way, the ultimate secret isn’t “jerk versus nice guy”. There’s something that’s even more attractive to women – and to your friends, business partners, etc. Let me know if you’d like me to post more about that.)

I started coming up with ways to get women to approach me – back when I was too shy to approach them… When it actually started working, when girls started approaching me, it changed my game and my self-confidence.. which then gets you even better results, in a sweet, virtuous cycle.

I was blown away when the first attractive woman approached me, making the first move, and started flirting. Women are not always that obvious. But from time to time, they are, bless their hearts…


Anyway, let’s stay on track here.. Although it’s one of the best feelings in the world when a hot woman approaches you… I get excited – my heart starts racing. The hotter she is, the tougher it is to stay calm. But also… the more important!

Which is why..

  • Step 1 is to calm down, chill out, slow down.

Don’t react or respond too quickly like a nervous puppy. Instead grab your balls – metaphorically, not literally, dude!

The most powerful, confident, ATTRACTIVE move here is to take your own sweet time in responding to her.

(As you know, or should, a woman’s heart gets aroused by power and confidence.)

So… take a breath, inhaling slowly and quietly through your nose. Look at her and evaluate her.
Then smile a bit.. *SMIRK* if you’re feeling it.

  • Step 2. If she’s not your type or not interesting to you, let her down easy. It took courage for her to approach you, respect her for that.

Go ahead and flirt with her anyway. Flirting for its own sake can be fun for you and her, and actually releases oxytocin, which can have some health benefits. It can also be good practice. If you’re not interested in her but one of your buddies might be, connect with her and let her know you have a friend you think would be a good match for her.

She might return the favor and bring one of her hot friends to meet you.

  • Step 3. If you do find her intriguing, say hi.. or even better, playfully tease her.. or one of the best options: be boldy direct AND playfully tease her

When the beautiful Indian woman approached me indirectly in the grocery store, asking if I knew where the granola was, I should have slowed down, taken a breath, made solid eye contact, let my mouth form a spreading smile (or a playful smirk), get those “smiling eyes” and…

… very calmly and slowly said something like: yes, I do.

I could have said something playfully teasing or challenging, like I’ve done other times, such as “is that your best pick up line?” when a tall, athletic woman approached me in a bar and asked me to tie the bow on the back of her dress. (She replied, “yes. I found it on a website about top pick up lines to use on guys.” She ended up buying me drinks, and giving me her phone number… NICE!)

By the way.. *Maybe* she was really looking for the granola and not actually trying to find out how interesting I was (I mean, I – and the women I told the story to – totally doubt it… but MAYBE). But one of the secrets here is.. IT DOESN’T MATTER. Respond as if she is trying to meet you: flirt by playfully teasing her.  A combination of playful teasing and being direct can be magical.

That will make you one of the most interesting guys she’s met in a long time, and so even if she “really WAS just looking for the granola”, when you respond as an intriguing man (not overwhelmed by her beauty)… that may very possibly make her want to meet you now.

Try responding with a squint, like you are evaluating her.. maybe give her a skeptical look as if she looks suspicious.

Or a smirk like “oh yeah.. it’s on. I’ll show you where it is, but you look like a troublemaker, so stay back a foot or two.” You can even say that out loud if you feel it,

Alternatively, you could ask, are you new here? If she says no.. then say: just new to granola? Are you just going to use it as cereal, or are you making something yummy that you should invite me over to taste?

The ‘are you new here’ is a good stock phrase when a woman asks where something is in the store or on the street. [Do you know where to get some coffee around here? Sure, are you new here? Just visiting? My consulting fee is only $75 per hour – you’re on the clock… now (start a timer on your cell phone or watch), so let’s not waste any more time

A softer option if those are too bold for you: Sure, are you new here? Come on, I’ll be your bodyguard.

‘Are you new here’ opens up other possible conversations. Engaging her casually is a low-pressure way to give her a chance to indicate whether she’s really just ‘looking for the granola’ or something more, seeing if you’re worth keeping in touch with.

Or you can go for the bolder, very direct: Wow, you’re cute. But as you know… it takes more than just looks. Come on, I’ll show you where the granola is, while you tell me a couple things you have going for you, besides your looks, and your semi-healthy food choices… that would make someone want to get to know you better.

If she says, I’m really just looking for the granola – say and I was really just looking at these… [pause… (look her up and down, linger, lick your lips if you feel bold… then look at the spices and finish)]… spices a moment ago.


Thanks for reading, Animal, good luck out there.

– Jay Hod

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